Days blended together and they were spent wasted on doom scrolling and mindlessly watching youtube. I really feel like I wasted my summer. I mean, I had planned on filming multiple short films, work on my comic pages, and even read some books. Maybe I was reaching for too much, and instead of getting away with just a few of my goals, I fell off my step stool and came crashing down with nothing.
There's really no sense in complaining about it now. Instead, I want to learn from it. And after sitting here in my room, typing away on my mac book, I like to pretend that I'm some philosopher that has discovered the meaning of life. Truly, I am no Diogenes. However, I can spew some nonsense that is not meant for anyone other than myself, and I find that freeing. 
Over the course of this blistering, hot Texas summer, I have come to a realization. I am totally passionless. Totally may be an exaggeration, but it holds true weight. I am not as passionate as I have decided I need to be. I put on this costume of a filmmaker, an artist, a storyteller; but I don't allow myself to truly become these things. I tell myself I want to be someone significant and make significant things. I say these things to myself and then I deny myself it by being so casual. I am so completely and utterly casual. How can I even pretend to care about becoming a better artist if I don't spend every free moment striving to that goal. 
So I guess I'm really just trying to say that I need to nerd out more. No more denying what I truly love, and no more living every day with no purpose. I will start watching more movies, and I will start reading that stack of comics on my desk. And maybe then I will find myself and start enjoying every single day.